My Journey

Happy that the new year has started. Need to work on things this New Year. I need to write more in my diary. read the scripture, pray always, lose weight, (that is a goal I set every year and last year I accomplished that goal by eating better and exercising more. Lost 30 pounds and I am looking good). I need to spend more time playing with my cat instead of her just lying around the house all day while mommy goes out. Need to make her feel more comfortable. Need to stay away from my ex. because he is not good for my wellbeing if he doesn't stay away from me I might have to put a restraining order out on him and I don't want to do that. I have mental illness and he is not good for my mental health. He says he wants to be with me forever .but I donht want to be with him forever. I wish I would have made a better choice about who I married and who I was going to be with for eternity. I wonder if there is anyone out there for me. I wonder if anybody can put up with me and my mental illness. Steve put up with it for 10 years. I was happy he , but then he said he couldnht put up with it anymore. he would always put me down and say I was out of my head. Well am I out of my head? I think not I am on stable ground and I know that I am going to make progress in this coming year. I need hang out with friends more. I need to realize that they are there for me and that they love me and I can count on them in my times of need and vice versa. They can count on me as being their friend because they are all good people and I am greatful for that. They are members of my church and they call me in my my darkest hours and I know I can rely on them for comfort and compassion. { !ht believe I was married before and it has already been 6 months since I got a divorce. I am still going through the proccess of healing. I hurt alot of the time and I wish that that hurt would go away. I think about it every day. What could I have done better? Could I have done anything to be a better wife? Maybe I could have been a better wife.